cold feet

via welcome,ghosts

so i've been freaking out. i've given myself a couple months to become completely enraptured by women. but these women, despite words and pictures aren't living flesh. what the fuck do i do when i'm actually talking to a girl? i mean, what if i'm not cut out for this? what if they're just way too much for me to handle?

when i talk to my narrow Internet community of lesbos i sometimes miss out on the delicate subtleties they weave in their buildings of relationships. but one thing i can tell, when they talk about women their eyes mist over and their voices soften. loving women is a devotion. i'm not sure if straight women feel the same for men. i've never felt it. and from the straight women i know rather well they sure as hell don't act like it. but with women it's like all or nothing. its a worship. its like every fucking second you want to take one in your arms and just smell her hair.

in a recent conversation i had a lezzie try to explain what was it about women and she said:

"The woman's body is beautiful yes but the passion and power of one is more captivating. They're so intense with emotion, will,opinions...it's electric and moving. Mmm girls that act with passion, love it! If it's love, rage or their interest it's wicked hot."

almost an indescribable force pulls us together. its hard as a baby gay to put to put my finger on it. i have far less experience with women and quite frankly they terrify me, they always have. i'm not even good at maintaining friendships with girls how do i expect myself to keep a relationship going? not to mention that a pretty girl makes me act like the biggest fucking idiot ever. i think its just being completely out of my element that has me scared. i just, i dunno...i just want to do right by them. they make me feel crazy and out of control, but i just want them to feel safe and adored. they fucking fascinate me. every time. i'm completely swept away by everything.

via lesfemmes