Monday, September 27, 2010

next time on baby gay:

public sex: awesome? awkward? not worth the experience? i'll let you know what i think.

to bush or not to

so you know there's a picture of a vagina at the end of this post. just letting you know.

my sister telling me about her bikini wax sparked a conversation about lesbian grooming habits. apparently we're both fascinated and confused.

coming from a straight world i never was inclined to do much maintenance on my nether regions. just a trim down but i never shaved or waxed, ever. and it was never a problem. or at least it never came up. what i did to my vagina was absolutely none of my partner's concern.

the lesbian world is a little different. apparently i was the first bush one girl ever went down on. it was her policy not to, but she made an exception for me...

i thought lesbians would be even more open minded about the bush. i mean we all have one so whats the big deal? i always felt that my pubic hair was a part of me and shouldn't be a concern to my partner at all. but i see now that when you spend 15-20+mins with your face between some girl's thighs some routine pruning isn't just necessary but common courtesy.

what i have learned is that in my local community the bald eagle is the preference and the most common do for the genitals. to my friends who i know have no clue a bald eagle is just what it sounds like, completely shaved. nothing, bare. some women pull this off better than others. i am not one of these women. frankly i just dont have the vagina for it. i like my bush or thought i did, but being that i just switched teams i was eager to please and willing to try anything once. conclusion: for me this style was pointless and required way too much work to keep up. plus it was just damn uncomfortable. also, not to toot my own horn, i have really soft pubic hair, like goose down or the belly of a kitten. shaving it off just made it worse for my partner rather than better, because as it grows back like 2 days later its like a little cactus.

to address my sister's concern that the bald eagle would make one think of a prepubescent girl, this isn't the case. as an adult who enjoys fucking other adults the thought of getting it on with a child doesn't really ever come up. i recognize my partner as a consenting adult so figure the lack of hair really isn't a concern.

that said i have turned my partner who was a bald eagle into a bush convert. she now maintains a small neat bush, but knows i could care less so doesn't worry about it as much as she use to. one day she will be a fellow bush lover or at least like me a woman who feels her partner should worry about something else besides a little extra flossing.

i feel like i'm doing my lesbian community service one bush at a time.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

By the way

I feel like the real l word doesn't actually discuss lesbian sex realistically or rather not incompassing to all women. Why ask if women cry during sex (weird) and not ask your favourite way to please another woman? Now that's a question I can get behind. I like talking about sex and I like to know what other people are doing in bed too. And also why are there soooo many dogs on that show?

Anyway I like this poem and I like these two girls and I like how they talk about sex. But not sex just as something hot and intoxicating but sex also as a way to share love and appreciation. Maybe it's just because I am baby gay that I'm super eager to please, that more than anything I just want to melt into her skin and hear her sigh. Plus it's massively awesome when you get a girl off with no clue what you're doing. I like discussing sex and understanding what will ge her off because I honestly I'm just fumbling in the dark.

So sex positivity is awesome and I think we should keep it up, because if baby gays aren't learning about sex their sex is going to suck and they're going to think that it's okay. And it's not, it so is not.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

lessons not fun

what i have learned so far:

some people won't even shake my hand

i get lewd comments thrown at me or shot dirty looks just for holding her hand

i'm no longer reconized as a citizen of the united states and sometimes not even as human

so many people i will never meet hate me

its disturbing and terrifying. i don't know how so many have grown up with thinking that this is a normal way to live. and how we're
counted as lucky to just be alive.

i've grown up believing in equality but now i'm fighting for it and coming face to face with just how dark the human heart can be. how does one live in the face of so much hate?

Friday, July 23, 2010

About strap ons

valuable lesson I learned about strap ons today:

do not let that sucker slip down or you'll be icing yourself for the rest of the night.

"It's like a hickey on my vagina!!" plunger style. my poor girl.

strap ons were designed by men

Friday, July 16, 2010

losing the big V

s.e.x. lets talk about it. to my high school buddy and college room mate this is a post where i kind of talk about sex. just warning you.

i'm not going to lie i was WASTED the first time i had sex with a woman. and yes it deserves all caps. actually i wasn't completely sober for gay sex until the third time. and we fucked on her ex girlfriend's couch. that was when i knew i would love lesbians for the rest of my life. those bitches are crazy. i heart them.

i swore i was getting laid that night. i had on knee socks with black heels and short shorts. i knew just the girl and if she still was unsure on how to make a move i was going to make it easy for her.

lets count some drinks here. i'm a light weight. i've gained quite a bit of weight due to inactivity/ becoming a baker but im still shy of 115lbs. yeah, i'm that fucking small. so let me think really hard on the drinks list of that night. shot wise one vodka i believe 2 gin. at least 3 gin and tonics (besides bedroom eyes are my biggest weakness). um, i actually think the girl bought me a drink, pretty sure i finished hers. the friend i came with ended up closing my tab for me, which i half heartily signed while making out with said girl. did i mention i was wasted.

we had been circling each other for a while. i remember one drunken night kissing her cheek and whispering in her ear that i was a good fuck. yeah, i'm that girl. this night though i was faded and she leaned down to better hear me and i... oh god this is embarrassing... i gently and playfully bit the top of her ear. who does that? at a bar? drunk gay virgins thats who. apparently though she liked weird and this is how my friend came to close my tab for me. after making out in the middle of a throng of people... and at the bar... she grabbed my hand dragged me from the club, me yelling over my shoulder to the 20+ people i knew, whom most thought i was straight, "GOODBYE!" and if all that gin wasn't enough the girl had whiskey in her car! oh god. at this point she was all "I need to sober you up, I don't want to feel like taking complete advantage of you." which i'm pretty sure i responded by downing the whiskey and rootbeer from a mason jar(!) and replied "do it." i am nothing if not classy.

i would like to make other baby gays feel better in letting them know my first time was awkward, giggly, but sweet. it wasn't. awkward yes in ways, i had no fucking idea what i was doing. but giggly and sweet? no way. we fucking wrecked each other. years of suppression and denial lead up to one profoundly gay moment. oh i was a total lesbo.

it was actually rather sweet, beside you know...the kinky stuff. but when i took off her clothes, with much help from her, i was overwhelmed with the relief of seeing her body and how it was just like mine. i don't know how to describe how profound that moment was for me. sex suddenly didn't make me feel like a part of an equation to obtain an overall goal. i felt like an equal. an equal that had no fucking clue what to do next with a naked girl. but she was sweet in her own way. she knew i was a big v and she whispered comforts and soothed me. and then i went to fucking town. we ripped each other to shreds. i literally almost killed her. learning a valuable lesson: kink + booze = not a good idea.

via jaghetermarilla

oh yes this is something i'll gladly be doing for the rest of my life. i've been reading up, i'm stretching, i'm getting back in shape. this obsession is a life time commitment. fucking women might be the single greatest thing that has ever happened to me.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

you want me to do what with you now...?

the worst part about coming out in an outdoor loving state?

bitches want to take you camping.

no seriously, what is it with lesbians and camping? is there a quota we have to fill? when you come out of the closet are you suppose to get a packet in the mail with a letter of welcome and a standard issued walking stick?

i went to a hippie outdoor bounds school where camping was a common event used to inspire team work, bonding, and a love of nature. of course making tweens sleep outside and then get up at 6am actually re-enforces the exact opposite. you carry that kind of hate with you for the rest of your life.

so when i realized that girls were going to want to go camping i was rather apprehensive. camping means bugs, sleeping on the hard ground and being bitterly cold. i had to discuss this seemingly stereotypical/insane event with my veteran gays.

they were only too happy to provide the real reasons for subjecting yourself to the great outdoors. camping was explained to me in these terms: booze, a dangerously large fire, smores because even the gays like smores, and stumbling back to your tent to find a naked girl in your sleeping bag.

wait, what?

via b$/ram

fucking sign me up! i love camping. now where the fuck is my walking stick?