Monday, June 28, 2010

ain't she a woman too?

one thing that keeps coming up since coming out are people saying to me "So what are you into? You're going to date girlie girls right? Like lipstick lesbians?" i'm actually rather offended by this. like women who aren't super femme are ugly, or undesirable or something. also never once when i dated men did someone ask me what type of guy i was into, as though one sub group was better than the other.

i like to say i love all women. because i do, i find them intriguing and i'm compelled to get lost in them. but sexually, right now in my baby gayness im attracted to women i know are gay. or at least i actively try to attract them. and yeah sometimes i guess thats the classic butch. i like girls with shaved heads. i like girls that wear plaid and have ugly shoes. i dunno. i think they're pretty. honestly, i think they're very pretty. also there is no black and white when it comes to lesbians, its not all butch and femme. there's a smorgasbord of types of women who love women out there. and each person is completely different from the next.

it bugs me when i see posts like "I like women who look like women" what the fuck does that even mean? its one thing to say you're more attracted to classic looking femmes or you prefer a girlie girl. but who says a shaved head makes you less of a woman? what is it about the sluffling off of the dominant idea of "femaleness" that suddenly makes you unattractive? statements like these bother me because it sends a message that women who choose not to conform to a female ideal are no longer true women. feminism already has it problems with gender fluidity (see anything with womyn in title) but does the lesbian community really have to suffer from the same hang ups?

im not sure where i fit in the gay rainbow. mostly i identify with dapper queer, or hipster dyke, but really i don't. some days i like button ups and ties and others a flouncy dress. i feel most comfortable in boys clothes, i feel more sure of myself, more willing to take up space. female assigned clothes like skirts often make me feel powerless and weak depending on the situation. but on hot days i'll choose to wear a sundress rather than pants. right now i feel okay with this set up. and i own it.

i'm not going to lie though, i find this special group of butches to be my fav girls. i call them baseball cap butches. and i heart them. i don't see how they are less beautiful or less pretty because they don't have long hair or heels on. i guess i just don't see how someone can say one type of woman is better than the other based on her "feminine charms". i think thats bullshit. i like women who are women. and even that statement can be limiting. because lets be honest FTMs can be incredibly hot too.

via homeofthevain

its not about being a woman's woman, its about being comfortable in your own skin and celebrating that. and that sort of courage and self assurance is far sexier than a woman in heels to me. i don't care if you wear makeup and takes you 25mins to do your hair, i don't care if you wear baggy jeans and ripped t-shirts as long as it's who you are and you own it, i will buy you a drink. that kinda of came off as pervy.

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