Thursday, June 17, 2010

where i attempt to find meaning and then give up

i allot myself days in which i go down a list of people in my mind who i should tell personally i'm gay. these are my coming out days and they are absolutely exhausting. breaking into the topic itself is rather awkward. some people get a clunky some what confusing story of "yeah well remember how..." others a deep sigh and then "i'm soooo gay" in this way i've realized suddenly that i have a lot of past examples to drudge up in my "holy shit this should have been a red flag" moments.

i didn't really start challenging and investigating my sexuality until about 3 years ago. yeah i know. but i've always been awkward around the subject and yet right at home. i grew up surrounded by a liberal bubble. except for that short stint in catholic school (where i spent most of the time rubbing everyone the wrong way and becoming friends with the other 4 minorities)the schools i went to were hippie-esq. i didn't even realize republicans actually existed until i went to a small, lets say rural, college for 2 years. i just grew up thinking sexuality was completely fluid and it wasn't worth thinking about. everyone i knew was boy crazy so i was boy crazy. of course for the boys who looked liked girls...

this is dumb. i'm re reading this and i realize i'm trying to explain the unexplainable. i like women, i've always liked women, i didn't figure it out till just now. i'm sorry i had to drag so many people down with me. but i'm glad i'm out. and i can't believe how absolutely obsessed i am about women.

so in my next post we'll talk about whats really important. how hot women are and how i worship every step they take, especially if its towards me.

i mean seriously now...wreck me.

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